IF I TOLD YOU NOW

I hope JRB doesn't mind me posting his lyrics on my blog. As I was moping around my apartment as I sometimes do on the weekend, I was singing along to my playlist of female vocalists (this helps me clear my head). As I was listening to Lauren Kennedy sing "If I Told You Now," I was suddenly struck not by how beautiful a song it is (and it is) but reminded that no matter how confident and self-assured some of us (myself included) come across, that deep down, we all have our own doubt and insecurities. This of course goes by way of the conversation I was having w/ some friends on Friday night, so I guess it was fitting somehow to hear it this afternoon. Ok, so meaning aside, I've always really liked this song.

If I Told You Now

If I told you now
That I didn't have the answers
That I didn't know the reasons
That I didn't hold the key.

If I told you now
That I couldn't say for certain
That I wouldn't break my promise
Could you bear to look at me?

If I told you now
That in spite of my persistence
And my confident demeanor
I am more and more in doubt.

If I told you now
Would you smile with understanding?
Would you burn with disappointment?
Would you turn and turn me out?

If I told you now
I suspect you still might say:
"We've gone too far to change"
Or push away the tide.
Would you close us down?
Or would I get extra points because I tried?
If I tried.

If I told you now
And I'm not about to tell you
But in case I chose to mention
Things I know you won't allow.
Would it hurt less later
If I told you now?

If I told you now
That we're never safe from all the fires we set
Or debts we had to pay.
Would you hold me now?
So at least for this, for here
I'd know you'd stay
If you'd stay.

If I told you now
It would be for your protection
Cos I'm sure I'll disappoint you
Thought I can't imagine how.

Does it make me better?
If I told you now?
Would you make me better?
If I told you now?

PS: If you like this song, go buy JRB's new album, Wearing Someone Else's Clothes (which really is good, and I'm not just trying to somehow promote his album so he won't kill me for posting lyrics that I'm not technically legally allowed to post. And yes, I'm aware that was some run-on sentence too). If you like Wearing Someone Else's Clothes, you'll also like his other albums, Songs For A New World and Parade (for which he won a Tony Award) and of course Lauren Kennedy's Songs of Jason Robert Brown album. :)