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Saturday, October 20, 2001

Is it possible to be so fatigued that your brain just...fizzles? For the last 6 months, I've been feeling so exhausted (both emotionally and otherwise) I feel like my brain has just stopped functioning. At first I was afraid something might be wrong with me because I couldn't concentrate on much of anything, then I began to forget how to spell words, what I was trying to say and then the worst was when I felt like I was losing my short term memory. If you asked me what I did yesterday or worse, last weekend, I honestly couldn't tell you. Isn't that awful? A wise friend assured me it was stress as she had gone through it too. It's awful what stress could do to person.

It really bothers me that my writing and my thoughts are all so short and choppy. I go into work these days and freak out because while my job isn't that brain intensive, it does require some amount of creativity...and I can't even do that. I sit there in meetings and feel like a total loser because I don't have the ability to contribute anything. And it's not like I don't try to contribute...I do, but then...nothing. How pitiful.

A few times a year, I go through a "what am I doing" phase and try to assess my life and make some decisions. I keep thinking that I wouldn't be feeling this way if I were truly doing what I wanted to in life. What is it that I want to do? I have a few ideas, but in Southern just doesn't seem possible. Maybe I need to exercise my brain...doing something I love. Usually I come home from work, so exhausted that I can't do much of anything except sit on the couch and watch tv (or a dvd, even easier that way I don't have to exert too much energy by changing the channel!!!) but that only encourages my sedentary brain waves to remain as such.

To top it off, I just bought some plum wine today (very exciting to test my new discovery) and it SUCKS! It tastes like blechhhh, awful, icky, dry wine and I d-e-s-p-i-s-e dry drinks...I like sweet, fruity, yummy drinks (hence the plum wine) and now I can't even enjoy it.

Ok folks, back to my complaining...but how dull, how been-there-done-that. I can't complain any more...I know too many people whose only pleasure in life is to complain about thisandthat and it gets OLD fast. How wrong. Ok...I'll stop now.


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